CAMP TOMORROW!
Shizzzzz I dont wanna go ): I'm tired and I have a backache from doing Cui's stupid arches on monday and training today was surprisingly good (: AND I HAVE BEEN LIFTED OUT OF MY EMO MOOD YAY. Hoho.

Three days and no handphone!

Ahhhhh omg I dont know how I'm gonna survive ): Hahah Chia must be how much worse off, her phone's more precious to her than mine is to me. Haha. I THINK. Aaaaaaaand I just started packing like an hour ago&it's like...1145 now (: Smart huh. When everyone started packing two days ago but I'm done anyway and I have a feeling I'll end up leaving something important behind but nevermind.

GRRRRR CAMP ):<

I'm not paralyzed but I seem to be struck by you ♥
Zomg I love this song (:

I had a talk with Keziah last night, on msn (:
I love having talks with her, cos honestly sometimes I think she's the only one who actually understands what I'm going through, and after every conversation I always end up realizing something about myself. Yeah and that makes me emo and then Keziah gets emo with me (or she starts getting emo first then it catches on).

This is probably gonna be quite a draggy emo post which doesnt concern you at all so you may not wanna read but thats up to you. I'm just doing this to get it off my chest. &It also probably wont make any sense cos its all garbled just like everything in my head is now.

I think several times a week, people ask me how I cope with club training, choir, school training&homework and most of the time and shrug and say "I just do." But honestly, I dont think I'm coping all that well. And I know people who know train with me just have to focus on synchro, nothing else. &the people I've talked to about it all told me that I need to give up one thing, and focus on the other, cos I can always pick it up later. But I dont want to, cos I think I can do it, I just need all the support I can get.

I guess I've always admired Cel for being able to make synchro her first priority and not really worrying about her school work. She has so much faith in herself, and its not that I dont, just that in this particular area I'm not that confident.

Maybe everyone thinks that my life seems pretty good (I dont know, all my previous posts seem pretty happy compared to this one, save for a few tiny glitches here and there) but really, I think only the synchro girls would understand how crappy I feel. Like all the horrible things that happen during training, cos no one else feels that. I think we're even lying to each other, when we're all crumbling up inside. But you know what? We still smile.

And thats another thing about synchro. No matter what, you have to smile. During a performance, you could be crying your eyes out, but the smile has to be there. I think that's helped all of us, cos we can easily just make everyone think nothing's wrong while we're dying inside&lie to them easily. Maybe sometimes what I tell you about training is close to the truth, but what I'm really feeling, I'll probably never say. Even if I did, it wouldnt make any sense to you. Its just one of those things you have to experience before you can understand. I dont think even our coaches understand, cos they all came from sports schools and they never had to worry about anything but their training and competitions. I think the best memories out of synchro came from China, not needing to worry about anything else. Plus while we were there, ANYTHING that happened to our teammates, we knew, and we'd be there for them.

Its so different from here. Cos we're all in different schools, we dont really know whats going on. But the bonds between teammates are still muchmuch stronger than the ones between schoolmates. I dont know, sometimes it just feels like I can never trust the people in school, which is why I've stopped telling them every single thing and I think very soon I'll stop telling anything at all. But I can still always count on my girls (:

AND (My goodness I realised too many things from this conversation) I think I've been trying to please everyone too much. I never really thought about it before, but to quote, "Teachers want perfect work, coaches want full dedication, parents want both, and friends dont understand why we're so busy." Its completely true. Teachers are hounding me for work, Cui is forever telling me that I should come for training more often&making me feel guilty, and my parents like to talk about both. And I've been trying my best to make my OM group happy, rushing to and from training just to make the meetings and to be there, cos I know that at some point I wont be able to make it for meetings and I wanna be able to put in what I can now (and I havent missed a single meeting yet SO THERE. HAH.) And also in other aspects, I've been trying to please my friends too much, giving up some things I want so badly just for them (I'm not talking about material thing, stupid). I dont know, as selfish as it seems to say, maybe it's time I concentrated more on making myself happy, rather than everyone else.

I have a very strong feeling that I'm going to have a breakdown in school sometime soon so be prepared&I remember telling Keziah if I ever had to write an essay about how I felt I'd probably break down while writing it. This is like more or less equivalent to an essay and I started crying like five times but I think maybe it helped :D Maybe, just maybe.

Anddddd if I've made you feel emo by reading this post here's something abit more like me (:

I HAVE THREE SEXY BLISTERS AND THREE SEXIER HI5 PLASTERS COVERING THEM :D

Ooooh sexy(:

No I have more than three blisters I have like ten. Those were just the ones where the skin rubbed off. Ouch ):

Oh Rachel&Chia, I'm sorry I've been such a bitch ):

Cos this is my show; my lie.

I'M GONNA GO FOR CENTRALIZED MORE OFTEN

It's actually quite slack! (: Haha and I'd much rather do that than synchro training with MIAOjiaolian lah. I still dont like her ): And I have new blisters from using fins and yesterday's sandbag ones are still so raw /: And Min is so gross I asked her if I could change sides with her cos I wanted to be able to see how fast she was going and she was like IS IT FOR THE REASON I THINK IT IS? Omg so gross please NO. And we felt so extra cos we were the only girls in the lane with all the little kiddies&one RW person (Okay maybe he felt even MORE extra but whatever) Yeah and all of them didnt have enough sense to move out of the way for me and min to push off and they were like shouting GOGOGO and how the hell do you expect us to go if you're blocking our paths /: Yes so we ended up squeezing through them and going so close to the ground that I bumped my hip on the floor ): Lousy people. Thennn we had to do synchro training after that wth.

&SHE LET ME OFF EARLY (:

TODAY SUCKED

I got into syf but...dunno I guess I'm not as happy about it as everyone else. Cos they were all rejoicing and stuff and I was thinking Oh shit I'm so screwed. Well.

Training after that was sucky. Bad/Good/Bad. The china coach is so horrible urgh she made me cry ): Cos I couldnt hold my breath and she was SHOUTING my name into the microphone and I know people could hear. Omg la anyway I got out for awhile to cry haha yeah&I met meishan on the way to the toilet and she kinda comforted me (: And then after I came back she made me do the stupid thing again and again and I still couldnt hold my breath and I only managed to hold it until the end like ONCE out of 15 times /: Pffft. Yeah then after that we did figures and goodness my thrust and everything was so straight today (according to Cui) cos she started shouting as soon as I came up and I thought she was scolding me but she was praising me and I've NEVER been praised like that so it was like WHOA. &Cui said I learnt the thing fast! Haha cos I've never been able to do my right leg so she made me start from scratch for that. NEARLY there (:

Aye centralized tomorrow and I dont wanna go! But I have a feeling the pool will be super empty cos there's the acsi meet tomorrow and half our club is made up of people from there /: OH AND CHIA&MONEY&DAPH&CARRIE ARE GOING FOR THE RELAY TOMORROW SO GOOD LUCK! <3 Haha wth swee wanted me to go support with her. SOME PEOPLE VERY FREE HUHHH ;)

GRRRRRR I DONT WANT TO TRAINNNNNNN ): ): ):
Not until the coach with the annoying voice leaves anyway.

BITCH

Oh and I found my specs (:

I cant find my specs I'm so screwed ):

I think they're in my shampoo basket. I HOPE. I'm stuck on contacts til then urgh. I'm getting a headache from them I think.

Stayed back to do OM with the people and we had a nice chat as usual and we left so freaking late our stuff got locked up in the classroom pfft. I have no mood to do a long post today ):

You: Thanks for being there <3 Yknw I love you no matter what you say cos you only help(:
&You: HAHAHA >< You make me high(:

THE CHINA COACH IS A FREAKING DFKJAKLJSLKJD

...She's so violent! Hahaha thank goodness I'm not staying in china and training there or whatever otherwise I wouldve been slapped several times /: ANYHOOOO she threw her fricking spoon into the pool today! Cos meishan was talking to jodie (and wth meishan wasnt even gossiping with her or whatever she was asking jodie about the routine) and then suddenly something hit my thumb ):

WTHHHH I think she was aiming at meishan's head! I thought a rock dropped out of the sky wth and then I went underwater and I saw the spoon /: IT'S A HEAVY METAL SPOON THANKS VERY MUCH. And omg she didnt just hit me, she managed to hit meishan as well though I dont know HOW but she must've practiced alot on her students back in Shanghai. Soooo now my thumb is still throbbing and I cant sms people without it hurting. I'm not going back to training til she's gone pffft. Okay I will, just...LESS. Maybe. TWO MORE WEEKS BABYYYYY.

Anyway went to KK with Joy for lunch after that (GAYGAYGAY! Hahaha) and we TALKED(: Thennnnn watched epic movie which is...funny but it's got no storyline whatsoever /: Quite dumb lah but hahaha. Went to united square after that to get presents for birthday people hahah. For the nice people who gave me birthday presents (: The stuffed dogs at toys r us are super super soft and nice hahaha. And squeezing them is really stress relieving (:

Copied from Nazirah's blog! Haha XINYUAN YOU MIGHT WANNA LOOK HERE.

soooooo, on the 14th of feb dis year (haha, v-day), we had geog.. and i, for some reason started singing the cny song.. then a question popped in my mind so i asked mel khor,

"melissa, wat does 'tong xin yuan' mean?"
mel: "uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh-"
nadia: "it means xin yuan is a 'tong'."
me, mel, nadia, ranita: HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHH!!!
mel: "no wonder my chinese is so bad. I'm surronded by people who can't speak chinese"
(u see, next 2 mel is nadia. behind mel is ranita. and diagonal to mel is me..)

Yeah I'm the last person you should ask if you want a translation(:

I LOVE/HATE CHINESE NEW YEAR

I'm still kinda broke this year cos we didnt go anywhere -----> NO $$ Yes but anyway tons of people came to visit my grandma so it wasn't too bad and it just so happened that I was always upstairs using the computer when they came so when I walked down it everyone went WAHHHHHHHHHHH for like ten seconds (I am dead serious about this) and then after that Oh you're so tall now!&You look exactly like your mother!&J1 or J2 ah? (Then GASP when I say no, sec two.)

Anyway got to see Kongkong today! :D

Damn I'm taller than him now

Grumpy baby ):<
&THE LADY SCREWED UP MY HAIRCUT

I am veryyyyyy pissed off at someone I dont even know&dont care to know right now. Such a waste of my emotions.

Training then I'm FINALLY getting out tomorrow!
Joyboytoy dont pangseh me ahhhhhh!

IT TOOK ME FORTY MINUTES TO GET MY CONATACTS OFF AND MY EYES ARE STINGING LIKE CRAZY ): ): ):

And i've discovered my contacts will only drop out after tugging and pulling at my eyelids in a very violent fashion. Urgh my eyes ): ): ):

I was pretty convinced I would have to live with contacts in my eyes and go blind pffft.

NO TRAINING TODAY BECAUSE...
(Please get ready for it)

WE FINISHED TRAINING LAST NIGHT AT TEN-FREAKING-O'CLOCK

Grrrr that shanghai coach should just leave already She's not exactly fierce but she's got a really annoying voice and yes she's really really good (her vertical and THRUST, my goodness) but she changed the entire routine Like the one WJL choreographed. WHICH WAS SO NICE. China's best choreographer YOOOOO. Shouldnt mess with that. Plus she made the counting like twice as fast it's crazy.

I really miss WJL now, she's fierce but soooo nice and she doesnt have that weird annoying tone. And I started craving my nanjing food last night in the pool



THERE. Picture of pretty WJL just cos I miss her. And I bet Cel&Kez&Min do too.
My hairband shizzzzzz /:

Yeah anyway we took pictures last night cos it felt like something of an accomplishment yknow, to train so late. Hahah.



Yeah anyway we were attempting to look sian but PLEASE LOOK AT THE CLOCK.

Thennn we decided to take a picture (: Cos thats, you know, just the kind of people we are (:

And Cui insisted on joining us. Hahah her new hairstyle is nicer, but it makes her face look fat.

AND THEN she insisted we take another one cos Cel's head was partly blocked in the first /:

Yeah anyway you might notice that Kelly looked abit red-nosed/eyed cos she'd been crying cosssssss...
(Drama of the night)

When she jumped off during a boost the nosepiece of her goggles like detached and cut her just below her eye ): It looked like super painful lah and she couldn't stop sniffing. I was damn worried for her la and Cui told me to stop it, making her worry unnecessarily haha.

Btw
I LOVE YOU KEZIAH KHOO

OOOOKAY I DIDNT GO TO SCHOOL TODAY.

It's chinese new year anyway, not like there's anything to do pfft. So I shall have myself a five-day weekend WHAT I'M TIRED AND TRAINING ENDED AT 9 LAST NIGHT. And she still kept the people going for WCs back. And her shanghai friend is so freaking scary like nice one minute and screaming the next; we thought a NANJING coach was gonna come ): Such a let down luh. And anyway this coach is like uber good we saw her vertical and she was sculling like super slowly and it came practically halfway up her thighs wth. And you can tell she likes sharp, jerky movements haha she changed alot of the routine, like the counting and stuff.

Wth my grandma called she school to tell them I was sick and that I'm in sec one /:

I SHALL GO STUDY/DO MY HOMEWORK NOW :D

Shit I came this close to not getting into syf. Or maybe I'm still not in.

Whatever it is, I got called back to audition and call-backs ARE NOT good ): Yeah and anyway the teachers more or less confirmed it with me when I went in cos they said my first audition was BADDDD. Yeah and that my first audition and this one were worlds apart. I dont disagree haha. Yeah I'm just glad they gave me a second chance But yeah after that they also said I lacked drive and that I probably had more in synchro. I think that's what bothered me most; what I've been thinking about nearly the whole day.

I mean, to an extent, it's quite true. I havent really been paying attention in choir (though I promise I will now) and honestly, I do enjoy synchro more than choir, even though it's so much more tiring and tedious. Maybe I just get more satisfaction from good results in synchro, cos they're so much harder to achieve (&I GOT A GOOD FROM CUI TODAY! I NEVER GET A GOOD :D) But still, I wanna be able to make it into syf, maybe I just want to prove something to myself. But if I get in, it's gonna be hectic, rushing from choir to training everyday, my studies are indefinitely gonna suffer. That's just one price I gotta pay.

It's a choice that's hard to make

I FEEL LIKE NAMING MY IPOD&HANDPHONE.
any suggestions? (:

hahaha so gayyyyyyyy.

I am cowing pissed.

I love having those talks with Bala. <3

Yesterday was fun, Ranita's birthday and everything (: Hahaha yeah. And meeting the Bala, Chloe&XY at pwhere we NEARLY went stalking hahaha. Anddd hearing all the lame stories from all the SE people was fun haha. And talking with Erica on the way back! :D

I need a new haircut. HOHOHO.

I'm not paralyzed; I seem to be struck by you.

AUDITIONS TODAY SUCKED.

Something about good tone&projection but lousy pitching. Oh well doesnt bug me that much anyway so Went for training after that Celeste is such a twit. &&&Joy is an even bigger twit she took the wrong bus to training and ended up somewhere farfar away so she decided to go home and she left Meishan stranded at training cos she promised her a ride home. Tsktsk Joy.

Ohohoh and O level results (: Jan got enough to stay in ac so we'll be seeing her at nats! :D And Zara you didnt do badly, PLEASE. Andandand Cheryl and Jodie did really well too! Haha and Bevvy.

&I'm not going for training tomorrow! My legs are aching like crazyyyy and so is my stomach but I think I've kinda gotten my abs back Yeah but I've never felt my legs ache so quickly after doing squat jumps and my legs kept cramping up in the weirdest places, like not my foot when I point or my calf or whatever but my thighs and my ankle wth. Such a weird feeling. Sooooo. Sleep in late tomorrow (:

&You're tootoo hot (:

You made my day so much better. <3

I'm starting to get why Michelle doesnt like little kids

Screw I havent done home ec or maths yet.
&My voice is going, going, gone.

It's a rollercoaster ride;
I need time to think.

Hahah me and chia had an interesting conversation with coach today! :D

coach: ...Who told you?!
chia: Uhhhh. The pastor at your church!
coach: There are so many pastors! Which one?
chia: The old one! Yeah!
coach: There are no OLD ones /:
mel: Old as in...relative to me and chia. Old like YOU :D
coach: Ohhhh. You mean Daniel? You went for his meeting on saturday?
chia&mel: Yeahyeah! That one!
coach: Really? Who invited you to the meeting?
chia: Uh...Daniel? Yeahhhh.
coach: How do you all know him?!
chia&mel: We just do!
mel (whispers to chia): Is it a sin to lie about a pastor?
coach: HAH. SEE YOU ALL WERE LYING!
mel: Huh omg he heard me!
coach: THERE WAS NO MEETING AND THERE'S NO DANIEL. NOW TELL ME THE STORY.

Wtf. Hahaha coach is such a meanie. It's okay though (: FARMER COACH. Pictures another time (:

OM yesterday was funnish We kinda planned on doing the backdrop but the sewing machine screwed up on us and XY and I spent about half an hour attempting to lift the bobbin thread before Chloe came and did it manually hahaha. But thennnnn the back of the cloth got all botched up pfft. But we managed to draw part of the backdrop anyway and it looks quite cool

AND CHLOE WALKED INTO THE GLASS SLIDING DOOR

&KEZIAH KHOO GET WELL SOON!

I am sleeeeeeeeeepy ):

Hohoho I managed to sleep abit in choir today And I got to synchro just abittttttttt late after but...doesnt matter And Cui made us do quan shen tiao again! ): My legs havent recovered yet urgh. CJL asked me if I went for training on tuesday, wednesday and thursday and I said (quite proudly heh. SOMETHING TO BE PROUD OF OKAY) YES to all Haha and she was like Oh then you can go jump! Ahhh omg so I told her I was still veryvery achey and she said that I should jump more in that case /:

Ohohoh should I go for the Japan com? (:

WHEEEEEEE WE ALL STUDIED AT FARRER PARK TODAY (:

We should do it every thursday! Haha and Cui helped me correct my work! Not bad not bad (:

Urgh so coldddddd ): Stupid wind ):